Three's Company

So I have recently gotten engaged to the most wonderful woman I have ever met, I could not be happier with my fiancée and our life together. Now with that said there is one caveat. We have a special "condition" that we operate our relationship under. And that is the Rule of Three. No, that isn't referring to Kevin Bacon and connecting him to any other actor by a link of three movies, it also does not refer to "doing it" three times a night, HAHA we haven't done it three times in a night since... well let's move along. It stands for the concept that we each get three people that if the circumstances ever were to pop up, we could "sleep" with and not have repercussions from the other about having betrayed our relationship. Now before you get all worked up, let me give you some of the ground rules. First it cannot be anyone that you actually know, have met, or are currently planning to meet. Secondly they have to be famous or relatively unattainable, so its not like we are talking about Seth Green or something here. I mean a homeless dude that lives under a bridge and huffs paint could probably "sleep" with Seth Green, I mean he lives in the next cardboard box over, how hard could it be? The goal is for this to be humorous but also as a safety net just in case one of us were ever to get lucky.

Now on to the specifics, for me personally there are a lot of angles to take, and alot of considerations to go over. Most guys would go sex appeal and say something like Giselle, Brooklyn Decker, and Megan Fox. But that is lame, most of those chicks are level 10 hotties but cmon who hasn't slept with a bunch of level ten hotties? Wait... you haven't, well I guess we can't all be Rico Suave, like myself. Some of you are a little more like this version of Rico Suave. But that is besides the point. In my three I went a few different directions, I had categories. First off the hottie category. This was a very hard decision to make, the extra joint of Shakira's hips, or the very fiesty and generally sexy Jenny McCarthy? The decision was tough but Shakira wins do to age and height, she is shorter than me, or at least close to being shorter than me and that is a rare commodity in my world. Case in point.

The next category was money, I mean if women can be gold diggers so can men, so in this category my first thought was Madonna, and I know she is older and gross, ok really gross, but her reported net worth is somewhere around 650 million, let me repeat that 650 MILLION!!! But if I am being honest there is only room in my heart for one super rich woman and that my friends is the sexy, the effervescent, the voluptuous.... OPRAH!!!!! I mean i popped a wood just thinking about getting my hands on some of her money. In my mind she leaves brief cases full of cash laying around everywhere and I could just disappear with one. Also you know she eats well, and I also love to eat well. Oprah is my "Great White Buffalo". I would even go this far.

The last category is going to be the wild card, once you have hotness and money you have all your important bases covered, wait whats that? Personality? You've got to be kidding me, personality schermsonality. Can you say overrated? My last choices are between these lovely ladies:
Martha Stewart- I am money hungry what do you want from me?

Betty White- she can make me laugh and thats important

Kim Kardashian ( I mean do I really need to detail her ASSets? I think we are all on the same page.

And last but certainly not least Penelope Cruz (in this photo Woody does the talking, and no you pervert I am not talking about my penis, his name is Little Diddy, remember from yesterday? This Woody.

The final slot is awarded to......Penelope Cruz, simply because I think she is the most beautiful woman in the world, she has an accent, and in the end.... she has huge boobs, and I am a simple man.

To revisit this part, Lauren (my fiancée) is totally fine with my three because she has her own (and also when i tell her who is in my three and that it could totally happen, she says, "sure it will babe, sure it will", then laughs hysterically in my face). She has told me that her list revolves around Wee-Man, David Spade, and Verne Troyer, do not ask me why she feels that way. But I have heard short guys are good in bed.

Anyways that is the topic for today, and I would love to get some feedback on everyone else's three. And just because I know you are all greedy bastards, I will put the $10 mcd's gift card up for the person who has the best list of three in the comments section. And as always you cannot win the contest if you aren't following the blog, so please follow. Thanks guys, you'll have to excuse me Oprah is calling.