-About my fear of tampons:
"My question is do you think they thought that i was merely immature and given my height just a high school student with a beard, or do you think they sensed my fear of tampons and tampon holders?"
-What celebrity I look like:
"And Yes, if I had a nickel for every time I have been asked to do the truffle shuffle I would be a rich man. Sadly."
- How hard working I am
"I mean lets be honest people, despite the fact that i spent 26 hours punking matt james for 6 straight days, or the fact that writing this letter takes me about an hour and a half every morning, i work harder than all the rest of you times 10."
-Caption Contest:
1.I know something you don't know, you dirty dog!
2. I can't believe they are playing the electric slide, they know i love the electric slide, Guess I am going to have to show them just what a true electric slide is, It's ELECTRIC!!!!
Odds Maker:
-1 / 100 - (again, note that this pays out 1% if it happens) These are the odds that if Brett goes out on NYE that no matter what he did that night that he ends up on his couch in his undies, with an elmer fudd hat on, a crave case (no pickles mother fucker), some creepy asian porn on the computer, and a blow up doll with a Dick Clark face mask on in the corner. It's pretty much already done. count it.
-3.5 / 1 - Matt James some how blows up/ sets on fire/ collapses/ or in any other way destroys his new house within the first month: Now I know what you are thinking "holy shit i need to empty my life savings and bet on that immediately", well yes this is incredibly highly likely, but he has been getting much more mature and I really think hes got this one.... aww shit, what am I saying that shit will be rubble in 5 days.
- About Photo Bombing:
"Just straight bombing:
These are your prototypical photo bombs, these people are busy keeping it real and know that a bomb is a bomb is a bomb, so why mess with a good thing, you could say these types of bomber are keeping it real. They enjoy the finer things in life because they aren't too busy figuring out what kind of bomber they wanna be they just are."
- How Shitty My House is:
"yes that right my AC went out in the middle of august this year. Are you guys familiar with swamp ass? It was like i was sitting in a leather car seat with vinyl pants on, while dancing my ass off to Kei$ha with the seat warmers on high all day."
-About Mitch's Fantasy Football Win:
"Thats right, auto draft = league win, Your heard it here, laziness and inflated self worth = money and fame. This is what we are teaching our children?. Balderdash, this self centered, egomaniacal mess has to stop."
-About the bullshit Power Bracelets:
"I am gonna start selling dolls made out of hair that supposedly cure depression and just have taylor swift endorse the shit out of it and I will be rich"
"I thought we were in an economic depression? But somehow everyone who can't afford bread can definitely afford a rubber bracelet so they can follow their dreams of being the absolute best guy that plays basketball in his Thursday night church rec league?"
-General:
"If I am being awesome standing in a forest and no one is around to see how awesome I am, am I still awesome.....or just great?"
-Negotiating
"I mean this man thong was the end all be all of man thongs, we are talking sequins, a pocket for your cell phone, an input jack for your iPod, and fleece lined inside for those cold Ohio winter months."
-Hipsters
"dude!"
"what dude?"
"dude i am worried, i think we are gonna get too much pussy tonight."
-A Columbus Hipster is the equivalent of a skier from Mexico, it doesn't mean they aren't a skier, it just means they probably suck.
-Bucket List:
8. Play basketball with Mugsey Bouges, Spud Webb, and Earl Boykins (all under 5'6" basketball players). That has always been personal dream #1. I think I could dunk on Mugsey! Oh.... i forgot to mention we would be playing on an 8 foot rim..... with one of those little trampolines in front of the hoop.
9.Become a Certified Public Accountant. I really like numbers and I've always thought that..... aww who am I kidding, that shit sounds so fucking boring. I literally wouldn't do that if someone held a gun to my head for the entire 15 years it would take me to pass that stupid test.
-General
-Country Living vs Upscale Living:
There were only a handful of doctors in my county and they are not the type of doctors you really want to see (See: graduated from Aruba medical school, or they aren't a doctor they just play one on TV, or even stayed at a Holiday Inn Express the night before, that sort of thing)
Another thing is the dating restrictions, I have friends who have dated their adopted cousins (which is ok and still very very weird at the same time) and I have friends who are dating their younger brothers babies momma ( that means the older brother dates the mother of the younger brothers child). Maybe that isn't so weird but I have a hard time seeing Buffy betraying Grant and dating his older brother Kit, the country club would be aghast at such a happening.
-The "Three"
But if I am being honest there is only room in my heart for one super rich woman and that my friends is the sexy, the effervescent, the voluptuous.... OPRAH!!!!! I mean i popped a wood just thinking about getting my hands on some of her money....
Oprah is my "Great White Buffalo
-Guest Post:
Care Bears is simply outmatched by the erotic androgynous glory that is The Smurfs.
First off, the constant sexual tension between Smurfette and the rest of the cast was both palpable and inescapable.
TMNT makes up ground in the hottie department – April was a stone cold fucking fox in that yellow jumpsuit.
-Random Links:
BEST REVENGE PLOT EVER!!!!
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2011/01/07/worst_xmas_present/
-On Tom Hanks' Son who is the rapper Chet Haze:
With rhymes like that I think he should have rap named himself, hank hanks, hank Squared, or Chester Chesty.
-On ICP's Newest song "Miracles":
It would be even more of a miracle if their kids weren't so fucked up by age 12 that Dr. Drew doesn't create a new show called "Celebrity Rehab: The Clown Kids Edition" I mean if your parents were retarded clowns you wouldn't stand a chance either.
Its Been fun guys!!!
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