The Dead Art of Negotiating

So recently in my life, it has become apparent to me that as you grow older the most important ability to develop is negotiating. Not only is this an occupational ability but really it is a lifelong necessity. From how much you pay for a car, to deciding who is going to tackle what task at work, it pretty much rules your life weather you know it or not. For instance the other day I was purchasing an extra large man thong (for myself) and the lady that was selling it to me said, they only had one left and it was a show item and she could not even take it off the mannequin. I mean this man thong was the end all be all of man thongs, we are talking sequins, a pocket for your cell phone, an input jack for your iPod, and fleece lined inside for those cold Ohio winter months. Well after some artful negotiations and a few tense moments i was soon the proud owner of a brand new (extra large) man thong wearing mannequin. The point isn't that my mannequin is sweet, it was how i navigated from point A to point B.
Some People like to negotiate everything, I know a guy who will try to get a few cents off at McD's. It hasn't worked yet, but for him its all about the attempt ( i am also pretty sure he got more special sauce than he ordered). Thats where I think people go wrong, I don't think it is tasteful or truly beneficial to argue and try to skimp on every little thing, to me by the time your 80 and you look back you will have spent 25% of your life arguing or haggling a price. But on the flip side money and time are very important and if properly negotiated may save you more in the long run I just think it is a bout picking your battles.

Another example, the other day I was at the doctor trying to get a prescription filled. Just so happened I was trying to get some hGh (human growth hormone) because i heard it can make you taller, the doctor informed me that what i wanted to do was illegal and he couldn't help me, but I persisted. He tried to tell me how it would shrink my "manhood" and i told him i had "manhood" to spare but height was something of a commodity in my world, but to no avail i left without my hGh. In that instance more negotiating might not have resulted in the desired effect, so i circumnavigated the problem by going to my local Powershack and juicing up there. My point is sometimes in life when there is an obstacle to negotiate, sometimes you go around it, but sometimes you smash right through it.

Which leads me to my final example of artful, yet thoughtful and considerate negotiations. This will show you my methods for getting what you want, while maintaining your dignity and without losing respect form all parties involved. I was at this Chinese whore house when all of a sudden.....