First off is ICP, the insane clown posse, they have been around since I was a middle schooler, but there latest album/ song is just too much awesomeness, dare I call it a miracle? In "miracles" the song is about ICP revealing themselves not as clown worshiping pimps, or law breaking madmen, but as Jesus loving Christians. Furthermore the song is about things that ICP think are miracles because it is simply to crazy to exist:
"Then it's easy to miss what really goes on, But I've seen miracles in every way, And I see miracles everyday"
Here we see the beginning of the song and they set the premise, where ICP sees miracles in every way, everyday. I find it a miracle that after years and years of being fake clowns that these guys still have groupies, I mean how does that pick up line work, "hey baby I got size 25 feet and a clown car we can go back to?" or "You can squeeze my nose if I can squeeze your...." or even better, " I used to be a rodeo clown, but i gave that up, now the bull is in my pants, Wah Wah (squeezes a horn in his pants)!" OK, lets continue:
Wow, so now its starting to get thick, I mean Dirt as a miracle? Water maybe, but not dirt. Fucking magnets how do they work? well i am pretty sure that magnets work by creating their own magnetic field but ya know now that you mention it that could be a miracle too? And I agree fuck those scientists, they sit in their lab coats all day doing fake experiments, i bet "bacteria" is fake, so are "cells" and "genes" and stuff, all fake, sorry you had to hear it here:
"I seen a caterpillar turn into a butterfly"
OMFG, now the shit has literally hit the fan, I cant believe I never put this shit together before, A FUCKING CATERPILLAR INTO A BUTTERFLY!!!! Holy shit, consider me to be worshiping at the alter of the clown from this point forward. Bozo For life mother fuckers!!!! These guys are blowing my mind!!
"Miracles ain't nothing to lie/ Shaggy's little boys look just like Shaggy/ And my little boy looks just like daddy"
Ok, OK, now this really is a miracle. Someone had sex with fat forty something clowns (the first real miracle in all of this). I bet the kids "kind of" look like shaggy and daddy, but really more look like the mailman/pool boy. But that too is probably just a miracle, and DNA tests? Those fucking scientists are pissing shaggy off! I mean they are 40 something year old clowns for fucks sake, I guarantee there babies mommas are "miracles" aka have down syndrome. It would be even more of a miracle if their kids weren't so fucked up by age 12 that Dr. Drew doesn't create a new show called "Celebrity Rehab: The Clown Kids Edition" I mean if your parents were retarded clowns you wouldn't stand a chance either.
"Look at the mountains, trees, the seven seas/ And everything chilling underwater, please.../ Hot lava, snow, rain and fog/ Long neck giraffes, and pet cats and dogs"
Lets go through the questions in my head:
What about the mountains are a miracle? that the tectonic plates the earth is made of slid together to form.... fuck it, who am I even talking to, the scientists are mother fucking liars, don't get shaggy pissed.
Are the "things" underwater really chilling?
Are you asking me or telling me please?
And I bet my white ass you cannot name all seven seas? The Clown Sea? really, thats your answer?
Snow, rain, and fog? does anyone else feel like we have set the miracle bar pretty low? I mean it snowed all week last week, only way I see a miracle is if i get a day off work.
Pet cats and dogs? you cannot be serious? that is a fucking miracle? ok I give up on this one, thats just too stupid for me to even mock:
"Fucking rainbows after it rains/ There's enough miracles here to blow your brains
I fed a fish to a pelican at Frisco bay/ It tried to eat my cell phone, he ran away"
I fed a fish to a pelican at Frisco bay/ It tried to eat my cell phone, he ran away"
Ok this is getting bad now. Rainbows are too much for a psychotic clown to process, it has literally blown his mind (when they wrote that line do you think they both envisioned a cartoon rainbow with a gun? I do.) And the pelican at frisco bay eating your cell phone? He was probably trying to call your record label to ask them what the fuck their problem is and why they produce you records? Either that or he was a bird who eats things people have in their hands, one or the other I can't decide. ICP are some of the true pioneers of white rap, but they have never quite made it mainstream all the way. And that I consider to be a Miracle.
I know this is a long post but it really got me going about white rappers, so much so that I had to mention one Mr. Chet Haze. Chet's real name growing up was Chester, and it wan't haze but Hanks. Hmm Hanks is an odd last name, who else would have a name like Hanks?
Chester's Flow can get heavy quick:
"White kicks/ Purple kush/ This is college, hittin blunts after hittin books,"
With rhymes like that I think he should have rap named himself, hank hanks, hank Squared, or Chester Chesty. Something more awesome than Chet Haze, that would accurately represent his awesome flow. Also who woulda thought an underground rapper could have afforded white kicks and purple haze, he must be getting his money from illegal activities, or.....
Anyways on with the flow:
"I got a call from the brothers in the frat house/ I'm with my girl, tryin to get up under that blouse/ She a freshman/ She a freak though/ In the bed, but a lady in the street, yo."
1. Your in a frat?
2. Your trying to get under that blouse? your tom hanks kid, there should be no trying, just smack her in the face with a stack of hundos and while she is disorientated pull a Roethlisberger.
3.If you are trying to get under the blouse (and btw blouse is a term used in the golden girls, not a hot new rap song) how do you know shes a freak? Oh i get it all your "brothers" already hit it and they told you about it.
4. Your dad must me so proud!
That is for my ode to the white rappers holding it down in the world today. Any other white rappers that deserve a shout out please feel free to comment on. Yay Team Participation!!!!
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