Birds, Fish, Crabs or Lions, Tigers and Bears Oh my!

Well i personally thought that we had until December 12, 2012 (or whatever the day is) before the whole world exploded. Fucking Mayans. But now that every type of animal in the world is dying at a rate that can only be described as, "a lot", it got me thinking. If the world is ending soon, what do I still want to do but haven't, thus I came upon my bucket list:

1. Star in my very own 3-D porno, thats right you heard me. And when I said very own porno, I meant a porno of just me, literally just me. I know... enjoy that mental imagery for the rest of your day.

2.Give away all my money to charity. I would donate as much money as I could to the IFBEGML.

(International Federation for the Betterment and Enrichment of Garett Marcum's Life)

Pssht, like I would give my money to anyone, your dreaming.

3.Go skydiving.... Naked. I simply want to let as many people as possible enjoy the beauty and wonder that is, me naked. (note: see #1)

4.Let Shakira have sex with me. Again this one is less about my own personal enjoyment and more about enjoying seeing other people have the time of their life.

5.Be in a crowded train car and not hold my fart in. I am talking just let it rip and be loud as it wants to be, and not even feel embarrassed about it. This could easily be #1. I am a simple man.

6.Come up with any single line as funny as "I wish my grass were emo so it would cut itself."

7. Cure Aids, Athletes Foot, Herpes, and other bad diseases. But mostly Athletes Foot.

8. Play basketball with Mugsey Bouges, Spud Webb, and Earl Boykins (all under 5'6" basketball players). That has always been personal dream #1. I think I could dunk on Mugsey! Oh.... i forgot to mention we would be playing on an 8 foot rim..... with one of those little trampolines in front of the hoop.

9.Become a Certified Public Accountant. I really like numbers and I've always thought that..... aww who am I kidding, that shit sounds so fucking boring. I literally wouldn't do that if someone held a gun to my head for the entire 15 years it would take me to pass that stupid test.

10.Make Glenn Beck take a lie detector test and see if he really believes that shit. Like that Obama is an alien, not an illegal alien, but a real honest to goodness alien from outer space.

11.Attend my own funeral so I could hear all the wonderful or more likely douchebag things all my friends would say about me. Like:

"Man he was a huge asshole, but god he was hung like a horse!" or

"He was a dick while he was alive, but now that he's dead, somehow he's even more of a dick."

"I always wanted to be Garett, he was funny, smart, intelligent, good looking, humble, thoughtful, full of integrity, honest, reliable, loyal, courteous, genuine, professional, creative, did I mention good looking?, passionate, sympathetic, sincere, hard working, energetic, relentlessly ambitious, talented, driven, well rounded, interesting, and from what I hear he was quite well endowed."

12. Shake hands with Muhammad Ali. Literally "shake" hands. Get it? Like he has parkinsons and can't stop shaking? Too far?

13.Develop some common decency and not make fun of people with diseases/disorders. What a scumbag I am.

14. Be the first person to ever streak at the stanley cup finals. Shrinkage be damned I say!!!

15.Get intoxicated with Arnold Schwarzenegger and when he runs out to get more alcohol, have him say "I'll be back." Or even "Hasta La Vista, Baby", either way I am a winner.

Thats All I got Folks, Enjoy, and feel free to comment! All three of you that actually read this that is.